75 posts later

75 POSTS LATER

My writing once resembled a diatribe—an ancient form dense with criticism, an oratorical speech that nevertheless unfolded as inner speech and hid behind metaphors. It was an honest expression of what I thought, but the phrasing was wrapped so tightly that it was practically impossible to understand. Looking back now, I see that all those critical speeches were part of a much deeper process: a process of integration, of working things through within myself. One way or another, however I tried to express my experiences, at their core they remained inseparable from me.

❇️ THE UNTAMABLE TREMOR OF THE HANDS ❇️

Thinking about it now brings to mind the phrase incontinence of the fountain pen, as Feyerabend described it (Feyerabend, 2020, p. 316). Today it is nothing other than an untamable tremor in the fingers that drives you to seek an outlet in a stream of letters and words, even when you have no idea where your thought is going. It is sublimation—not understanding what you want to say, yet aching to express something, even unconsciously. Poking at letters because there is nowhere else left to poke? Hmm... Of course both sex and text act out aggressive impulses through sublimated action. Perhaps this was a way of draining that overflowing container and acting out the impulses of the Shadow.

❇️ THE INNER WORLD THROUGH THE WORD ❇️

This, perhaps, is one way we reveal our inner world: there it is, reaching for language in an almost feral state, with something behind it that is greater than mere tasteless chatter. It is a path through an inner storm, through the search for balance between shadow and light. And even if this expression feels nervous, it may still reveal character—as Feyerabend put it: “In this age of nervous professionalism, there are still characters with character” (Feyerabend, 2020, p. 318).

❇️ WRITING AS A WAY BACK TO YOURSELF ❇️

Over time, though, I discovered that one of the most useful means of working with my own experiences is writing. It is not merely a mode of expression, but an instrument that cools the storm inside. “One no longer loves one’s knowledge sufficiently after one has communicated it” (F. Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil). That cooling proved not only useful but necessary, especially when the matter at hand was a heavy experience, a shadowed mood.

❇️ INTEGRATION THROUGH EXPRESSION ❇️

Indeed, once I wrote my thoughts down, they began to lose their sharpness and grow lighter. Writing about inner experience is, in a sense, the process of integrating it. Yet this process asks us not only to express, but also to veil. Sometimes speaking openly requires more than honesty; it requires care. Analogies and metaphors become a safe space where we can say and live through what would otherwise sound too naked, too cruel, too wrong (after all, we were all taught to live correctly). In that sense, posts become an ideal instrument: here there is no need to fear appearing vulnerable, because every text remains ambiguous and multilayered.

❇️ OPENNESS AS STRENGTH ❇️

But, as so often happens, everything changes. Now that awareness is growing and understanding is tangibly coming into force, I can allow myself to be more open. Writing has become a way not only to comprehend my thoughts, but to let them appear in their original, sometimes awkward form. I no longer need to hide my ideas behind tangled metaphors and wrappings. Elaborate constructions are not so necessary anymore. I am no longer afraid to open up; I am not afraid that I will be misunderstood or judged. If an idea is poor, it will be open to criticism—and that is all right.

❇️ THE FIGHT FOR TRUTH ❇️

As Steven Pinker observes: “The global campus raises not only the complexity of ideas but their quality. In complete isolation, the strangest and most toxic ideas flourish. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, and if a bad idea is exposed to criticism by other minds, there is a chance it will wither and dry up. Prejudices, dogmas, and legends have a shorter half-life in the republic of letters, and so do bad ideas” (S. Pinker, The Better Angels of Our Nature, chapter “The Republic of Letters and Enlightenment Humanism”). Today I can say that openness is not weakness. Openness is strength. I am no longer afraid to show what I think, even if it may not be “perfect.” Nor am I frightened by disagreement. Every open response, every question asked, will help me grow. This is not merely a fight for the word; it is a fight for truth. And if that truth is flawed, it must be examined and criticised—if it survives the test, then it is truly worth something.

❇️ CONCLUSION OF THE CYCLE ❇️

This is where the Tales of the Northern Wind end, because even the Northern Wind longs for the South.🎶 Another cycle begins here: about how all of this is... postgraduate study, psychology, and psychotherapy... And remember: no story has an ending, and of course any resemblance to real historical figures is purely coincidental. 😉🎶

#selfexpression #writing #openness

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Sources

1. Nietzsche, F., Collected Shorter Works / Friedrich Nietzsche; translated from German by Y. Antonovsky, V. Weinstock, A. Zabolotskaya et al. St Petersburg: Azbuka, Azbuka-Atticus, 2017. 1,056 pp.

Every phrase, reference, and turn of speech borrowed from a track is marked like this: 🎶.
These references are used with respect for the artists’ work. I wonder how many tracks you will recognise from these Easter eggs...

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