Closeness and Independence
The paradox of human existence is that we seek both closeness and independence at the same time: union with others and the preservation of our own uniqueness... Productive love implies caring for another person, a sense of responsibility for their life—not only for their physical existence, but also for the growth and development of all their potential. Productive love is incompatible with passivity toward life...
Thus, care and responsibility are integral qualities of love, but without respect for the one you love, without the desire to know them ever more fully and deeply, love degenerates into domination over a person and possession of them as a thing. 💙
*** (Erich Fromm)***
photo from 2011
Questions about this article
01How can closeness be preserved without turning love into possession or suppressing another person’s independence?
Productive love joins care and responsibility for another person’s life and growth with respect for their uniqueness. Without respect and the effort to know the loved person more deeply, closeness deteriorates into domination and treating a person as a possession.
02What is the paradox of closeness and independence in relationships?
People seek union with others while also wanting to preserve their own uniqueness. Mature love holds both needs together: it creates connection without erasing the other person’s freedom or separateness.